catching yourself in the act
This time of year I often feel a push to set new goals and yet — I’m called back into recommitting to what’s already here.
One of those goals is being less emotionally reactive. It’s very much an Enneagram 4 thing — we are super powerful feelers who can forget to think before acting. Even after 2618 days of meditation I still… react. Especially when it’s about something I care about.
I regularly have these post-moment coaching conversations with myself in the shower. They usually go like this:
Me 1: Gosh why did I say that thing? I completely freaked out.
Me 2: Ok… that happened. I reacted and I see that I reacted. Catch your breath Urs. What do you need to see?
Me 1: Well I was charged up. What happened wasn’t cool. Of course I got emotional. I had to say something.
Me 2: I know but still, I was spicy and sharp. And that’s not cool Urs, not who you want to be. Who do you want to be next time?
Me 1 identifies actions for next time. I rinse out the conditioner.
When consciously working toward new ways of being we can find ourselves in old ways.
It’s important to have debriefs with yourself. It’s a chance to determine what caused you to spin, the impact, and then identify a new way forward.
In Enneagram work there’s a practice called Catching Yourself in the Act. It’s the next level from a debrief. It literally means catching yourself when you are spinning into a way of being you no longer want to be in.
What that looks like is hearing and seeing yourself in that old way of being and… STOP — course correct immediately. Like a ship seeing a rock ahead and veering away (instead of hitting it and then repairing). It’s a powerful practice because you instantly get to change what happens next. And your new way — it’s here.
What’s a new way you want to embody?
How do you know your old way is here? What are the cues that tell you there’s a rock ahead?
What does veering - aka choosing your new way - look like?
There’s always cues indicating to you that the metaphorical rock is ahead. You need to be willing and able to see it. The sooner you do, the faster you can navigate to open water. And that — that’s the magic of coaching.
Here’s to catching yourself in the act. Here’s to a new way of being that comes alive as a result.