about letting go

Letting go.

Two verbs together that mean so much yet are hard to action.

Let: allow, permit, not prevent or block.

Go: to move away or toward, proceed, pass.

I’ve been reflecting on why it’s so hard to let go. This past month:

• 4 stellar coaching clients quit working for not stellar leaders.

• 3 wrote a want/don’t want list for their life.

• 1 stood up to their boss and got a promotion.

• I ended a 10+ year friendship.

Every single one of these moments involves letting go.

Of expectations and control. Of people who caused harm. Of fear of speaking up. Of things said and unsaid. Letting go of what was and is not going to be.

I stopped asking why it’s so hard to let go and started asking — why do we hold on?

At the core of letting go is wishing something or someone you have no control over were different. That wishing is what keeps us holding on.

We wish our boss finally showed up for us.

We wish what was on our want list was where we already are.

We wish we didn’t have to ask or be brave or speak up.

We wish we could trust others to change.

We wish that thing or relationship or boss or environment would make us happy.

We wish until we’re gripped so hard onto the thing or person we want to release from. Then that thing or person takes all our attention and focus until we can’t see past it.

Do you hear the cycle in there? The more we grip onto the wishing, the more we move away from letting go. The more the thing or person we don’t want has us.

What we don’t want has us.

Wishing it were different doesn’t make it different. It makes us stuck. It makes us compromise our want list. It makes us shrink.

The key to letting go is to fully see what we’re wishing for.

What is it you wish were different? Why?

What’s on your want list? What do you want more of?

What does it tell you about what you care about?

What’s in your scope of control and change? What’s not?

What you value, stand for, appreciate, and respect — these are gold. All these things define who you are. And that — that’s a want list worthy of action.

Love,

Urszula