where real change starts (it’s not habits)

I’m the last to tell you that self work is easy.

We stretch ourselves to transform ourselves. And stretching is… stretchy.

Often we focus our growth on habits — the things we do to get to where we want to go. It makes sense to go here. Habits are inherently forward moving, actionable, things to add to your cal and to do list.

The truth is —

Change doesn’t start with habits. Change starts with seeing.

Self awareness is often viewed as slow, boring… lacking in action. A passive thing that doesn’t do much and takes time we don’t have.

I can tell you from close to 10,000 hours of coaching — self awareness is the least sexiest and most important muscle to build if we want to self actualize. Be the person and leader we want to be.

All my coaching work start with awareness. Why? Because we can’t change what we can’t see.

One of my clients recently said: I give people what they expect versus what I need and want.

That awareness opens a whole new pathway for growth for them.

It all starts with seeing. Not just from the side view mirror. Self growth asks us to turn and fully face what’s here to see.

And that seeing… it can be painful because it invites us to face our stuff:

We see what we’ve allowed and enabled. What we’ve make ok that was never ok. How we’ve adapted to sub-optimal conditions and relationships. We see where we shine, our strengths. The people who champion us no matter what. Where we trust. Where we need to trust less and trust more. Awareness of what’s in and around us that both lift us up and hold us down.

It’s the seeing that brings motivation to the habits. The fire that says yes, I am ready to change this about myself.

The simple math:

The more you see = the more you name = the more you change.

And that — that’s deep, sustainable personal growth.

What are you ready to turn and face? What are you ready to fully see?

Love,

Urszula